Learning to trust in God

Twenty five years ago I sat in my bed, praying that God would teach me how to trust Him.  If I had known how He was going to answer my prayer I probably would never have prayed it.  I had my security in my husband, my job, and my friends, and deep down I knew that somehow He was going to have to take away the hold that I had on these “security blankets”.  Over the course of the next two years, God took away my husband, my job, my best friend.  Losing those things forced me to start learning how to trust in Him.  I could look to no one and nothing else for security, love, acceptance, contentment, or strength.  God started on my ground floor and began rebuilding me.

Be Careful what you Pray For…

When I prayed that prayer, I honestly couldn’t tell you a proper definition of what trust really means.  I remembered the “trust tests” that we used to do in school where one person would stand behind another and the one in front had to trust that she would be caught.  I never did well on those tests because I never really trusted the person behind me to catch me.  Back then I trusted in my husband to provide for me and love me.  I trusted in my job to give me increased financial security and friendships.  My one best friend supplied the extra reassurance that I needed that I was lovable.  But the harder I tried to hold on to these relationships, the more I lost my grip.

I turned to the Word when I had nothing else

But the loss of my security blankets drove me deep into the Word.  I started a prayer journal and found verses to latch on to.  The first set of verses I discovered came from Jeremiah 29:11-13:

For I know the plans that I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.

These verses became my life verses. For the first time in my life, I felt as if God was truly speaking these verses to me. I felt that they were specifically for me. Another set of verses that God used in my life were these:

He reached down from on high and took hold of me; he drew me out of deep waters. He rescued me from my powerful enemy, from my foes, who were too strong for me. They confronted me in the day of my disaster, but the Lord was my support. He brought me out into a spacious place; he rescued me because he delighted in me.

Psalm 18: 16-19

Fear not, for I have redeemed you, I have called you by name, you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. For I am the Lord, your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior…you are precious and honored in my sight and I love you.

Isaiah 43:1-4

Writing in a prayer journal helped me to focus on what He was doing in my life

I wrote down the verses that God was using to speak to my broken heart. Every morning I would write my prayer in my journal along with the verses that God pointed out to me. I would also reread what I had already written. In this way, over time, I memorized those passages that meant so much to me. They were my lifeline.

Trusting God from day to day

After the sting of my divorce and lost job subsided a little, my next lesson in trust came from my daily life. I had learned that I could trust God to hold me up during times of emotional stress and heartbreak, but I still needed to learn how to trust Him in my every day activities. Reading His Word and praying almost every day gave me strength, but I didn’t know how to translate the connection that I experienced with Him during my devotions to the rest of my day. I struggled with trying to figure out how to abide in Him. I knew that I needed to rely on Him for the strength to get me through each day, but all I could see was that I was the one who was doing the dishes and laundry and going to work each day. How did I use His strength?

I continued spending time in the Word and memorizing Scripture, but it wasn’t until I discovered a new way of thinking about how God’s grace applies to me that I figured out how to trust Him in my day to day tasks. Each day I always had a plan for what I wanted to do or accomplish in that particular 24 hour period. Very seldom would I get everything done that I wanted, but I always thought that it was up to me to complete the things that I believed I needed to do. I thought God’s will was always somewhere “out there” and larger than my own small life. I needed to find it. And I thought that doing His will would be completely different than the plans that I made.

Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.

Psalm 37:4

He will give me the desires of my heart

Then I found this verse. For a long time I thought that this meant that if I delight in Him, then He will give me what I desire. That may be true sometimes. However, after a long time of study I heard someone turn this on its head. Instead of God giving me what I desired, He would put the desires that He wanted in my heart. So He would actually make His desires my desires. This helped me turn the corner to understanding how to trust the Lord in my daily walk.

So if I am truly delighting in the Lord and living in love with Him, then I can trust that He has put the desires that I do possess in my heart. My life is small, but throughout the years I am learning that small is ok. He wants me to teach my children. My desire to stay home and be with them came from Him. So now I can make my plans for each day, trusting that He will guide me. If He wants my plans to change, then I believe that He will let me know.

This also helped me to deal with “interruptions” with a better attitude. Sometimes I find it easy to get frustrated when my children interrupt my plans and ideas about how I want the day to go. But I have to remember that all of those “interruptions” did not surprise Him. He knew that they would happen and there is a purpose for every single one. Looking at it with that perspective lessens my frustration.

Looking back…

I could not see it so much at the time, but in going through my old prayer journals I am able to see how much God has taught me about trusting in Him. But at the same time, I also learned that I still have so very far to go. Even though I know more now about trusting in Him, my journey toward trust continues. I don’t believe that I will ever arrive to fully trusting until He takes me home.

The lessons are not over

Right now I am in the middle of a lesson on how to trust the Lord to take care of my kids. I know that my children ultimately belong to the Lord. He created them, He blessed me by putting them into my life, and in my mind I know that He loves them more than I ever could. But because of my overwhelming love for them, it’s hard for me to imagine that He truly loves them more than I do. It is very easy for me to fall into the belief that I am the only one who can care for them and protect them. If I allow it, the debilitating fear of something happening to my children would overwhelm me. It takes a daily turning to the Lord, surrendering to His will for the lives of my children.

Maybe that’s where trust truly starts. In the daily surrender, He reminds me that I control nothing of my life. Every good gift comes from Him, and every circumstance does not come to me unless it is filtered through His hands for His purpose. Turning to Him is what He truly desires me to do. He wants me to lean on Him and truly believe that He is who He says He is, and He will do what He said He would.

What is trust?

So, what is trust? Trust means to believe that God will do what He says. It means to believe that He will show me the next step to take. When I trust in Him, I am believing that He is big enough and strong enough to protect me from anything that will harm me. I take Him at His Word. But, trusting is not a once in a lifetime decision. It is a daily turning to the Lord for help and guidance. The more I learn to trust Him, the more I know I need to learn, but also the more I realize that my life is better when I trust in Him.

How about you? Have you learned how to trust in the Lord? Where have you found it more easy to trust and where is it more difficult?

Until next time,